Questions to ask before getting into a relationship

What questions should you ask before getting into a relationship?

Ask about the things that are hardest to change later: kids, where you want to live, money, the role of family and faith, how you handle conflict, and what you each want the next five years to look like. Ask them over several dates, not all at once — and answer them yourself first.

Life plans

• Where do you see yourself living in five years?
• What are you working toward in your career?
• What does a good weekend look like when you’re older?

Family

• Do you want children? Is that a must, a maybe, or a no?
• How close are you with your family, and how involved will they be?
• What role does faith or tradition play for you, if any?

Money

• Are you more of a saver or a spender?
• How do you feel about debt?
• Would you merge finances, keep them separate, or a mix?

Conflict and care

• What do you need when you’re upset — space or company?
• How did your family handle disagreements growing up?
• How do you like to be shown that someone cares?

Growth

• What’s something you want to get better at?
• What did your last relationship teach you?

Ask naturally

Tie a question to something already in the conversation, share your own answer first, and spread the big ones over the first couple of months. That turns a checklist into getting to know someone.

Or start with the answers

These questions map onto the seven areas in our guide to knowing if you’re compatible. Nonna Picks asks versions of them in a 99-question quiz and shows each match where you agree, so you start dating already knowing the big answers. Create your free account.